GHOSTY MCGHOSTWRITER MEETS THE POTHEAD REALITY TV STAR, Pt. 3

In an ideal world, the ghostwriter and the ghostwrite-ee are in the same city for the preparation of their book.  A face-to-face interview setting lends to more honesty, and lessens the chance of crossed signals.  (Facial expressions are a beautiful thing.)  Thing is, it's almost always impossible to get the two of us physically together for any significant amount of time, because celebrities, be them A-list or Z-list, are generally on the go.  Some celebs really, really, really care about their project, and make it a point to be in one place for the interview process, which usually makes for a solid, cohesive book.  Others could care less.

Mumbles McReality was one of the latter.

Since this was a crash book, we needed to get started immediately, so I scheduled my first phoner with Mumbles as soon as it was possible.  We were going to start at 9:00 AM on, say, a Tuesday, and even though I wasn't convinced Mumbles would make a 9:00 call, I dutifully set my alarm.

Monday night at 11:30 -- well after the Larry David-mandated cut-off time -- I get a call from Confused McManager, "Here's the thing," he says.  "Mumbles' mother made this deal for Mumbles to go to China.  They're going to cut the ribbon at a mall, or something."

I assumed that "cutting the ribbon" was a metaphor, but I was kind of irked about having been woken up, so I didn't ask for specifics, as I wanted to go back to beddy-bye.  "When're they leaving?"

"Thursday."

"When're they coming back?"

"Three weeks."  The book was due in two weeks.

"Oh.  Does Mrs. McReality know I can't write a book based on two days of interviews?"

"Yeah.  She doesn't care.  She wants Mumbles to get paid.  Like now."

On one hand, I could understand.  Mumbles' advance wasn't all that, and she wouldn't see any royalties until she earned back her advance, which might or might not happen (probably not), and if it did happen (which it probably wouldn't), it would take months for the publisher to get around to paying royalties.  It's hard to refuse immediate cash.

On the other hand, they made, y'know, a commitment.

I said, "It'll be impossible."

He said, "Yeah.  I know.  I'll call Literary McAgent tomorrow.  Maybe she'll have an idea."

She did.


Next: In which Mumbles is wayyyyyyyyyyy late for our first interview, and even later for the second one, and Literary McAgent comes up with a not-so-brilliant solution.